the attack of the know-it-alls!

Best example yet. Dean has a friend who, apparently because she was a biology major, knows everything about childbirthin'.

OK, so I'm probably exaggerating. What she has is a less-than-favorable opinion of traditional midwifery, and it sounds like it may be colored by some firsthand knowledge of a bad experience. But she sicced that opinion on Dean with "I vote no on traditional birthing.." as if my choices were some committee's to make and insinuating, with "ignorance is bliss," that *we* don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies. And since she busted out the all caps, I busted them out right back, because I'm no stranger to having strong opinions, but I'm also of the mind that mine are better informed than hers are, because (a) I've read two thousand-page obstetric texts cover to cover from back in my I-want-to-be-a-nurse-midwife-days and (b) I know the context of my pregnancies better than anyone.

It's _really_ difficult for me to deal with the "you shoulds" in the information age. It was one of the things I noted when friends of mine were pregnant and participating in pregnancy communities on LJ, and would come back with these horror stories of the everywoman's opinion bullshit that would make me go, I'm so glad I had my kid before there was an internet. And now, while I'm glad it's so easy to find information online, I still resent anything I perceive as being dictated to. Add to that the fact that I'm a lot more likely to take things personally right now, and wham. Deadly mix.

It's funny the difference between Dean's temper and mine. He gets frustrated with things, and I get frustrated with non-things--people's attitudes and opinions they impose on me. Of course, a side effect of this is that I tend to get angry at Dean for getting angry at things, and have learned it's better for me to remove myself when he starts screaming and cussing violently at something that's fallen to an inconvenient location.

And it's not that I don't think people should have their opinions, or that they should always agree with mine. It's just that I respect differences in opinion in general and try to avoid debating-to-persuade, because I know it's futile to try and change other people's opinions; they can only do that on their own. You can give a person information, to be sure, and I know a lot of times that's people's intent when they do things like vote no on my committee-driven pregnancy.

Oh, to hell with it. I'm just going to put my pregnancy on the Today Show and let people vote on it. Are they going to vote for the gender, too, like our kids are doing? Dean just suggested, actually, I put the management of my pregnancy on e-bay.

Things I never want to hear again, vol. 2.

I have had a run of people asking me if this is our first, and the constant "make sure you ____ because you need to ______" is really making me more gunshy about talking about my pregnancy at all.

Technically, it is *our* first, yes. But it's more correct to observe that it's our third, and each of our second respectively. But if I say it's *our* first, we get broadsided by reams of advice that ultimately make the wanna-be parent sound way dumb. They should all get the Doodlebunky Disclaimer.

Blogging on whattoexpect.com is going quite well, aside from one completely incoherent comment I got this morning that is LOLworthy for its WTFness, and even Dean in his _best_ redneckese couldn't pull this off.



This is PG #3 for me .I can say I do and dont feel you on the Belly issues. I do on the privacy Invasion and all the touch E touch E stuff I'm the same way keep your Fingers to yourself Please! Lol! But to be honest I wasn't into my other PG's like I am now euther, for sum odd reason.My 1st 9-9-99 = Boy . My 2nd 11-21-03 = Girl . Now I have a New YearsSurprise ! on the way. Wonder what this one will be.

My reason is... not to show off my belly. But to Show how u can actually loose a wonderful Figure injust 40 wks.LOl!

Plus I'm keeping track,because I find it to very intresting to my young ones.My Baby (5) girl is ready for the Baby to come out NOW. Rite now she said.So she can have somebody to play with. Ha,ha,ha .And my son (9) was ready for her to come, so he could help.But he let meknow at age #4 he wasn't gone change no DOOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOO Dipers.Ha,Ha,Ha.I I must say back then I don't think I could have done it w/o him. My BIG BOY ! He learned tie a shoe,just to help me! Ahwwww! Ain't that sweet.

+ It's always fun when we sit and look at the Transformations I went through to git them here safe and sound. You see the space in age? those Belly Pictures weren't all that pop back then either.


My advise to u Keep your in-law away.It's not a secret to anyone when a person is not to fund of them. I think she tryna git your baby to come out looking like her.

So Be Aware!!!! Just An ole Myth

(30) PG #3 ,LMP 3-27-09 ,HPT 4-28-09 Results + ,OV 4/7-4/12, EDD 1-1-10 WoW!

Out of the mouths of... um, whatever they are.

Just got a comment from someone on Facebook that completely mystified me, saying how exciting it must be that Kieran will finally have a sibling to play with.

Now this is someone who met me when Kieran was 13, so it's not like the 6 year old version of him is stuck in her head or anything. Of course I can't fault her for not knowing that Bunky will not be Kieran's first half-sibling; just his first from me. But the irony is that Kieran is walking away from the sibling he CAN play with, and that actually causes him more anxiety than anything else about moving here. A 16-year-old and a newborn can't be playmates, even when the newborn gets older; they are an entire generation apart. I just hope they wind up close in the way that I am with my aunt, who was 17 1/2 when I was born.

Sometimes I hate having 750+ friends on Facebook. Too many of them lack context. In the meantime, I'm still wondering how to tell my parents in 10 days; we're taking them to dinner for Mother's Day and plan to tell them then. I'm glad I have waited, because I'm a good deal more excited about it now than I was in March, but there's still a lot of trepidation.

Next week I have my nuchal translucency test on Tuesday, and I meet the midwife on Friday. Cross your fingers that everything comes out ok on the test and that the midwife is a good fit and doesn't bump me into high-risk category.

The TMI story of why congratulations is so... ironic.

I was going to post this to Facebook but thought better of it. But I think without it, people just think I'm an ungrateful bitch.

The problem I really have with congrats is the irony of them. In February, my doctor was encouraging me to teach my non-pill version of birth control, for as good as I seemed to be at it. A month later, I was in her office with proof of its fail, despite having used the technique successfully for three years. And here I was thinking I had an interesting freelance career as a women's health advocate in front of me. That said, the biggest reason most contraceptive methods fail is because of user error, and it's every bit as true in this case. Not the technique itself, so much as the fact that we, like other older couples who find themselves in the same predicament, had gotten a bit lax.

So keep congratulating me for my failure, people. Working great. I'll feel congratulatable when said failure turns into a success, and we've got some months to go before that's the case.

Blank you, you blankin' blank.

I'm trying to do some research on unintended pregnancy, but it's hard to find stuff that's appropriate. For instance, you run across a lot of this sanctimonious bullshit:

The first thing to remember when you find out that you are pregnant is that you are lucky; many women struggle with fertility issues and have trouble conceiving a baby. A child is a precious gift and you should be grateful for that gift.

Look, I'm trying to be graceful when people congratulate me and you want me to suck up and thank God for his sick sense of humor? Let's look at thing number one I would not have bought if I thought I was going to have more children: THIS HOUSE. And so much more.

Groan.

Thinking about logistics like diapers and day care and completely ending what little bit is left of my social life and all that is overwhelming to the point of headache.

But when you strip the practical part out of it, I'm like, squee-ish. But not lucky. Hell no, not lucky.

I'll be lucky if no stranger ever approaches me and says, 'How wonderful! When are you due?" I think I'm going to answer that I'm trying to win a bet that will pay my child's college tuition by not answering that question, or something equally snarky, because when you're not all filled with shiny about it, it's easier to just find the whole thing bizarre and hilarious.

It's also possible I've been hanging out with Jenn too long.