The pains seem to have stopped within the past hour or so, finally, after making a brief "are you paying attention" cameo on the right side of my body (which was probably round ligament pain; the sensation isn't overly dissimilar). They will probably image my ovaries at my next ultrasound just to see what it might have been--apparently, the corpus luteum that generates a lot of the hormones until the placenta fully develops sometimes doesn't disintegrate properly, just as it sometimes doesn't after a normal woman's cycle. And I'm just getting to the point where the placenta is fully formed. It's kind of neat, though: if that's the case, then Bunky definitely came from the left ovary; not something that bears any significance other than the "oh neat" factor.
This is more neat, though. When I lie flat on my back, I can feel my uterus under my belly fat, and I can feel it, ever so slightly, shift as the baby moves, externally. Not quite the same thing as feeling the baby move internally, so I can't call it quickening just yet, but it's going to happen soon.
And I'm *really* excited about that. On one of my crying jags back when I thought I wasn't going to have more children, I was so devastated that I wasn't ever going to feel that sensation again. And now that I'm going to, I wish I could record the sensation in something more tactile. I remember the feeling distinctly with Kieran, but I don't remember things like where I was, or how I reacted; I wasn't as good at chronicling things back then (and what journals I did keep were incredibly depressed-sounding, which fits, when you look at my marriage of that time).
And I look so cute in some of these maternity clothes I could just yarf. Who knew? Weird side effect I'm digging: the fact that my upper arms have lost 2 solid inches, most of which since getting pregnant.I still mostly need 1x shirts to accommodate their girth (which looks freakish compared to my relatively trim forearms), but I can wear a size "large" if the arms have a loose cut to them.
Anyhow, enough babble, I guess. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to take the rest of the internet personally, in fact more so lately. A lot of times my rambling (and tweet-rambling) is just me thinking aloud, getting the brain flotsam out so that I can process everything else more clearly. And too often I forget that my brain-dump sometimes causes consternation among friends, and they want to help, and I get irritated when they want to try. Where does that fall on the things-I've-done-and-left-undone spectrum?
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I'm a bitch
Hormones are really effing with me. Among the things that I notice and yet have no control over:
1. Despite almost three years now of public speaking experience, since getting pregnant I shake like a leaf when I talk in front of people. I had so gotten over that.
2. I'm airheaded as anything. I left milk out last night, and twice in the past 24 hours have left the refrigerator door sitting wide open while doing other things in the kitchen. However, I notice anything OTHER people do wrong, and have no brain filter over whether to address that with the person or not. For instance, not sure whether it was Dean or Lil'D who kept leaving the back door open yesterday, but the number of flies in the house today show that my obsessing over it was for a reason.
3. I'm much more prone to anger and upsetness and other short-temperedness, and it's really bringing out the passive-aggressive in me as well as the "say things you can't unsay" thing, something I was notorious for while on depo and to a lesser extent while on the pill.
4. I'm also more prone to taking things personally that ordinarily are things I just write off. This is having a profound effect on my relationship with my sister-in-law, whom I'm dreading seeing today if I go to this thing with the in-laws. It's also affecting my ability to deal with Dean's constant flake factor. But then, I'm sure he's tapping his foot waiting for me to start nesting so I clean up this frackin' mess I don't have the energy to deal with.
5. Every day that I think I start feeling better, something happens the next day to show that I'm still a frackin' wreck. For the past two days, it's been four-hour afternoon naps I've been powerless to avoid. How the hell am I supposed to get anything done??!
1. Despite almost three years now of public speaking experience, since getting pregnant I shake like a leaf when I talk in front of people. I had so gotten over that.
2. I'm airheaded as anything. I left milk out last night, and twice in the past 24 hours have left the refrigerator door sitting wide open while doing other things in the kitchen. However, I notice anything OTHER people do wrong, and have no brain filter over whether to address that with the person or not. For instance, not sure whether it was Dean or Lil'D who kept leaving the back door open yesterday, but the number of flies in the house today show that my obsessing over it was for a reason.
3. I'm much more prone to anger and upsetness and other short-temperedness, and it's really bringing out the passive-aggressive in me as well as the "say things you can't unsay" thing, something I was notorious for while on depo and to a lesser extent while on the pill.
4. I'm also more prone to taking things personally that ordinarily are things I just write off. This is having a profound effect on my relationship with my sister-in-law, whom I'm dreading seeing today if I go to this thing with the in-laws. It's also affecting my ability to deal with Dean's constant flake factor. But then, I'm sure he's tapping his foot waiting for me to start nesting so I clean up this frackin' mess I don't have the energy to deal with.
5. Every day that I think I start feeling better, something happens the next day to show that I'm still a frackin' wreck. For the past two days, it's been four-hour afternoon naps I've been powerless to avoid. How the hell am I supposed to get anything done??!
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